I'm not sure how to ask this, but . . .Hi to all - especially the long term qigong people. I have a health problem that doesn't seem to be going away, in spite of all the other health problems that have. It's worrying me and I guess I'm having a crisis of faith. What do you say to yourselves about someone like Margo, who practiced so long and hard and still didn't get better or others who are still dealing with illness in spite of practicing every day and believing and doing everything we are "supposed to." It may not be politically correct for me to ask this question, but I'm really struggling and needing some words of wisdom. I'm so grateful to all of you and for everything that Chilel has done for me, but now I find myself doubting some. Even though I'm trying very hard not to. I think I'm just scared. Thank you so much, Mimi

Response One: Qigong grandmasters die too.             Luke Chan

Dear Mimi,

Thank you so much for raising this "politically incorrect" but very important question. I asked a similar question when my right ear suddenly became "almost deaf" last year. I researched on the Internet about "deaf" and realized every description fitted my condition. It was quiet scared to "have learned" my disease would be permanent. I did many repetition of "Crane' Neck" of the Body & Mind Method but it didn't help. Finally I accepted the fact I would be partial deaf the rest of my life. By doing that I have released the burden of "Chilel can heal anything" as I have "preached" over the years. But deep in my heart I knew anything in the world could heal my condition would be Chilel. Instead of pressuring myself to heal now, I've retreated to the "long haul" and waited for my ear to "pop" like one of the healing stories in 101 Miracles of Natural Healing. I continued to practice Chilel daily as I normally do. About a month later, my right ear did "pop" and has restored to its original condition ever since.

Why couldn't my daily Chilel practice prevent my ear becoming deaf in the first place? Apparently my qigong couldn't fight the external  environment at the time. It happened too quickly without me even realized it. There are just too many factors in the world which affect our health. Those factors include the quality of air we breathe, the noise we hear, the food we eat, the water we drink, the work we do, the family and friends we have or have not, etc. We live in such a complex world that we can't expect Chilel to prevent  every disease entering our body or our mind. Even though I couldn't prevent my ear getting sick, I believe Chilel has helped me to prevent many other illnesses.  Health is a balancing act. We are tiptoeing between health and sickness every day. Chilel is a wonderful tool to help us to tip the balance to our favor. If we should fall, we (loved ones) should give thanks to Chilel for helping us to have hanged on to life longer than expected. Every qigong grandmaster must die eventually. So do we. 

Why can't we heal? On a more personal one, why can't I heal my own bad eyesight (I wear glasses)?    I have met a few people whose eyesight have been restored by practicing Chilel. So I know Chilel is good for the eyes. Is it because "wearing glasses is socially acceptable" so I have no desire to heal?  For why Margot couldn't heal, Richard did (see following story) try to understand. But we can only guess. There are so many factors involved that we can't actually pinpoint to one thing. So instead of focusing why, we should focus on how to heal. That's why we are putting up a web page of Chi Visuals to share experience. Everyone, whether you are a beginner or a seasoned practitioner, can contribute to this evolving healing art by healing your own condition and share your secret with others. So we all can heal by "doing everything we are supposed to."

Response Two: Death and Qigong                                   Richard Bolstad


I'm pleased that there's been discussion, since Margot's death, about people's doubts about Chi Lel. One big reason I practice Chi Lel is because I want measurable real-life results. And although it's nice to think that Chi Lel helped Margot in so many other ways ("spiritually", by giving meaning to her life etc) if she had thought it was just a placebo then she would not have spent all her time doing it and neither would I. Actually, the healing effectiveness of Chi Lel is real. I have met SO many people who (using Chi Lel) have healed things that are absolutely medically impossible to heal, using orthodox medicine (I am a registered nurse), or placebo (I have a doctorate in hypnotherapy). There is something absolutely extraordinary here, even just taking the physically measured results of Chi Lel.

But the question of deaths and "failure" remains. I suspect that the 95% improvement figure is an overestimate, at least for use of the technique in the west outside a large center. This question is not only an issue for Chi Lel though. At Margot's funeral, her medical doctor (and friend) was tearfully telling me that he had "failed" her and should have done more. He was haunted, as I was, by these "Why?" and "What if I had...?" questions. I've talked to several people who asked this question about their work with Margot.

Almost every person who worked with Margot (doctors, massage therapists, physiotherapists, Zhineng qigong teachers, NLP practitioners, hypnotherapists, Callahan technique practitioners etc) told her that her emotional response seemed related to her ongoing problems. She simply did not know how to (or "did not want to") make a consistent change in that response, which was still somewhat pessimistic and dependent on others. If anyone asked her "Do you want to live?" and "Do you believe you can live?" they got a "Yes" response. But they also often got a "funny feeling" about that, and when no-one was there to cheer her on, Margot seemed to lose track of what she wanted and what she believed in (by her own acknowledgement). I've seen many people who have this ambivalence but were cured anyway. However, in Margot's case it seemed to be crucial.

If you want, this could "explain" what happened. Actually, it no more solves the mystery than saying that cancer "ran in Margot's family" (which it did). If her attitude was "wrong" then why couldn't we fix it? In the end there is no answer. And I personally don't want to pretend there is an answer, just to feel better. I can be rational, angry, sad, guilty or anything I like, by thinking about Margot's death in different ways. But none of that makes her come back, and I still am alive.

Feeling love is actually what makes me happy (in every situation), so I'd rather feel love than have an explanation or torture myself. Right now, I'm discovering how to feel a love which has no sense of attachment to any particular events. Every area of my life has been upturned by Margot's death. She was my lover, my friend, my colleague and my inspiration. So in every area I am beginning again. Fresh. Margot's death may have no "meaning" at all, or it may have a "meaning" which is beyond what I can understand. I don't know. But I can certainly decide what meaning MY life has right now. I want my life to mean that love still has a chance to come into the world through me. Actually, I think that's what Margot wanted, and I'm sure that's what she would wish for me too.

I guess my advice to people who are healing and who read about Margot's death is to understand that it has very little to do with what happens to you. Whatever results other people get are "their results". Overall, we know that Chi Lel delivers better results than we could ever imagine getting elsewhere. If living is important to you, then Chi Lel is worth doing. And Margot's death has very little to do with what you decide to believe about the "why?" of death. The question of what death means, or why it happens, is not answered by Chi Lel, or by any science at all. It is answered by you. After all, one day you will die, and so will everyone you hold dear to you. I believe it is a certainty. So no matter what happens, you will find some way of living with that reality. For me, that way is to remind myself to feel love, to feel joy.

A death is not one event. It is several hundred events. It is every time I go to do something that for decades I have done with Margot, and realize that doing that will be different now. I would like every such event to remind me how precious life is, and how glorious it is to feel love.

That's where I'm up to in understanding this right now.



Response Three        Nancy Parker


Dear Mimi, It's hard not to be scared when something like this happens, but you are not alone. Chi Lel is still a powerful healing tool. If it has already helped you as you say, it will keep on doing so. But chi works on each person in different ways and in different time frames. It may be 2 or 3 years for someone and another has a spontaneous healing! For some it improves rather than cures. The 95% effective included those who were improved with 15 to 20% cured. Chi is just as powerful and effective as ever whether we believe it or not. SO you might as well go ahead and keep on believing. We'll send you much chi from here to help you through these doubts. With much love and chi, NancyCA


Whether or not you always believe in it, you are nonetheless continuing to practice...I have the same problems with doubt, having practiced for almost a year now. Sometimes the progress that's happening may be spiritual rather than physical--or maybe there's very subtle physical changes that in time will add up to great improvement. I have a lot of trouble believing in this, but I just keep on practicing, even if it just means listening to the tape and visualizing the form every day. I don't understand this stuff very well, but I do believe that as long as I keep doing it, doubts or not, it will have some effects with time. Much chi to you.


Dear Richard, You've come a long way in "understanding" in a very short time! Life and love are what it's all about. Death comes to each of us. Chi Lel Qigong has performed wonders in healing or improving the health of others. We none of us can forestall death forever. (I, too, experienced a temporary sense of failure when someone I was working with doing ChiLel died) The battle to live is what counts and the love we give to each other and that we also share through this wonderful method of qigong is what makes that life worth fighting for. None of us responds to Chi lel in the same way as none of us responds to medication or medical treatments in the same way. But we keep trying. Sometimes our body just can do no more - whether it is simply worn out, or whether our mind has not been able to work with it - it doesn't matter. It is what it is. We know what Chi Lel can do. We know it can heal. We do not know how, or when, or for whom. There is no law that says we have to understand everything in this life. Sometimes all we need to do is accept. If we have done everything we know how, and given our best, whatever that may be, then that is all we can do. We can accept the love and help of others when our own strength weakens. And ultimately we need to accept the pain and the loss that comes when the life of a loved one is at last played out. I believe (this is my personal belief) that life goes on after this one - an even better one. But like this life, it is a mystery. We are still learning what makes us tick in this life. I've lost my husband (of 24 years) two brothers, and a son. I did not know of Chi Lel when they were alive. It would not have helped the one killed in a plane crash. I do not know if it would have helped the others nor do I know if they would have been open to it. Each person is an individual - exciting, wonderful, different and yet the same as all of us. We have a wonderful life to share, people to love and to love us, caring to give and to receive, help to give and to receive, and especially hope to give and receive. Chi Lel is no miracle exercise (though it seems that way sometimes!), nor is it a panacea for all illnesses. But it sure beats anything I've seen out there. Keep on loving and practicing. Much love and chi from someone who's been there, too. I care very much. NancyCA

Response Four       Susan

Mimi - I never have a problem w/ diarrhea, but this past fall I had a bout that lasted a full month. Because I have had serious health issues, it really made me nervous. I saw my acupuncturist, my medical doctor, took medication, nothing stopped it. Then it disappeared quite suddenly. I have since heard that many people have had that experience recently. Apparently just a long-running virus. Qigong helped me to feel well through the experience, but it didn't stop it from happening. Good luck. Susan


Response Five        Larry James


Mimi: We all must die- some much sooner than we would expect. Our friend Jim Susi died Oct 1999 after 3 years of fighting stomach cancer. He did the qigong with great enthusiasm, he did not heal in the physical sense but his healing was on a spiritual level. This was a type A man that came to grasp with what was really important in life- family and friends. At the time of his death he was at peace with what was going to happen to him. It was the qigong that gave him this gift. I think that it gave him 2 plus years of extra life to enjoy the things in life that he had and not to want the things that he could not have in the future. His death- NO, HIS TRANSITION from this life, was actually wonderful (yet sad at the same time) . You could sense the presence of spirits (angels if you will) in his room for weeks before his actual death and he acknowledged their presence one day when he was talking to his wife. He thought she had been in the room stroking his head softly, when in reality she had taken their daughter to school. He died, not pain free, but at peace and in comfort. What more could you ask for.
Another death (transition) of note was Mary Jo. She died November 2000. Her husband agreed that the qigong and reiki were very important to her and that he was sure that it increased how long she was to live as well as how WELL she lived. Her death ( and Jim's) hit me rather hard, as deaths of close individuals will, but I know that they are still there just not the way we were used to them being there (in the physical terms). We still can connect with them in the chi field, it is not that hard to actually feel their spirits during the form. Now they are acting as our guides in the spirit world (ethereal world). They watch over us and encourage us in our daily actions by touching us in the heart/soul. 
I knew the last time I saw them that I would never see them again in person, but I also knew as a Christian , that I would see them again in the next world and as one that practices qigong, I knew that I would be able to feel them in the room whenever I wanted during the practice. So, they did not die/leave us, they just changed their plane of existence.
I am sure that Margot and other peoples loved ones that didn't heal in body were indeed healed in many other ways. And I am sure that Richard can still feel her essence during his practice of qigong, because she still is there.
Much healing chi to all

Response Six             Ginger

Hi Mimi, I think most of us on this forum occasionally struggle with the doubts you have, and most of us who are experiencing or have experienced serious illnesses are sometimes scared, too. Chi-lel healed a minor medical problem for me, so whenever I have my doubts, I remind myself that chi-lel has worked for me. And I know it's worked for you, too, because of the reports you've given us.

Jim is right about the peace that comes from practicing chi-lel. I, too, experience a peace that is so all-encompassing that whatever fears I have disappear, and at that moment I know that everything is all right.

Chi-lel isn't going to cure everything; some of us will heal and others won't. We make the effort, we practice because medical science may not have all the answers and chi-lel is one of the only ways that we can help ourselves.

Always be positive, Mimi, and when you're in doubt, focus on the medical problems that chi-lel has resolved for you. When you're fearful, let us know because there's always someone who will listen to you. I know that I take great comfort in knowing that all of us are here for each other.

May your fears disappear into the blue sky, Ginger.

Chi lel really gave her three or so good  years that she would never have had otherwise.

Nancy Parker

Dear Luke and Frank, Frank McGouirk may have already told you, but I told him I'd let you know, too, that Jeanne, the woman mentioned in one of the healing stories, passed away this past week. She had metastasis stomach cancer and had 3/4 of her stomach removed and I don't know what all - but had up to a year to live. That was three years ago or more. Her daughter, an Aikido instructor, brought her to the Mt Baldy Aikido /tai Chi retreat, and we taught her Chi Lel qigong. I remember sitting on a rock in the woods doing la chi, and giving her tape to practice. She did LCUPCD from then on and was up to way over 900 times. She came back each year to Mt. Baldy (I believe she lived in Ohio) and even helped lead the qigong class. and had several good years. She was visiting her daughter, went to bed, and died in her sleep. Chi lel really gave her three or so good years that she would never have had otherwise. Much love and chi. Nancy (I've been a bit out of it lately as I lost another person, to a heart attack, and he left behind his wife ( sister to a special guy in my life) and 4 children. They had three but adopted a baby a year or so ago. Quite a shock!) As they say  - that is life. Love,



Before he died he asked me if we could do chi-lel together ...


Joy Payne

Dear Luke and Frank,

I recall with great fondness and joy my time with the two of you in

Asheville, N.C., some time ago. Since that time my dearest love, my husband

of 30 years, has died of a brain tumor (last summer, June 27, 2000). Before

he died he asked me if we could do chi-lel together. We did, and I truly

believe it eased his passage into his new life. I wish he could have stayed

here, with me and his 3 sons, but knowing that chi-lel offered him some

comfort and peace before he left is a great blessing. Thank you both!

One of the many possibilities we considered for his treatment was going

to China to the chi-lel hospital there. It was not to be. His tumor was so

aggressive that from diagnosis to death was just 5 months, and we could

scarcely catch our breaths, let alone plan such a trip. I wish we had gone.

Peace to both of you. I really enjoyed that week-long retreat in the

beautiful mountains of North Carolina.